Life Tip: Do not binge-watch The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix, then go to a haunted house, then re-watch Paranormal Activity if you ever want to sleep again. I made that mistake yesterday. Still awake. Still a wreck.

Every October it becomes clear to me that I’m still the same eight-year-old who confidently and defiantly claimed that “scary movies/stories/haunted houses don’t scare me anymore” and the same eight-year-old who begged to sleep in her mom’s bed afterward. This is who I am. I’ll never change.

But it’s October, and haunted houses and horror movies are mandatory. I don’t make the rules. You know what else happens in October? The silly debate over whether candy corn is disgusting or not. And I think we can all agree that candy corn is disgusting–but in a wholly delicious way and if you don’t like it, you’re probably a serial killer or some other kind of horrible person, and I will be suspicious of you until the end of time.

If you live in/near Atlanta, you should check out Netherworld Haunted House. I go almost every year, and every time it’s still so f#$king terrifying! I mean–I’m a chicken so it doesn’t take much, but still. Highly recommend! Also watch The Haunting of Hill House, because it is phenomenal.

This Friday I’m going to Six Flags for Fright Fest and then maybe another scary movie, so I’ve stocked my place with enough wine to put a horse to sleep. And marshmallows. And candy corn. Like I said before, I don’t make the rules.

New Hobbies

This morning I woke up to an email from Sephora notifying me that I am $104 dollars away from Rouge status. And I thought, oh yeah! Rouge me up right nice, baby. And then, while opening up the Sephora app on my phone to see what was new, I thought, wait–rouge status is when you spend $1000 in a year…holy shit, I’ve spent almost $1000 in Sephora this year! Then, in the name of responsibility and accountability, I closed the app, showered and dressed…then went to Target.

In retrospect, going to Target was probably a bad idea, too. While at the store, I had the great idea to stock my kitchen with all the equipment I’ve ever read about in cookbooks: a food processor for all the soups and nut butters I envision myself making, a dutch oven for…things that have to be made in a dutch oven, a casserole dish because since the age of eight I’ve really been an eighty-five year old lady dreaming of baking delicious casseroles, a strainer because why don’t I already have one of those, a whisk, ramekins, garlic press…

I went a little overboard, but I do feel ready for anything now–the holidays, birthdays, game nights. Back in September I bought Chrissy Teigen’s second cookbook, and I’m excited to go through and try a bunch of stuff. I’m going to be a really good cook one day, guys. Even if it means that you, my friends, have to eat my subpar meals while I’m getting there.

Anyway, I’m on a self-imposed ban now from Sephora and Target. But, bright side, I’ll have a lot more time to become a domestic goddess. Hit me up if you want some homemade almond butter.