Another day, another dollar, kids. My life as a barefoot, carefree, wind in my hair Malibu-an was not to be. Georgia Power called and said, “Bitch, don’t try us.”
Also, in a moment of profound insanity, I promised my friend’s kids (ten and eleven) that I would take them to Six Flags (among other idiotic promises I can’t believe I made) on their spring break, which started on Saturday. Although I am the queen of canceling plans, there’s no way I could or would do that to children. If you’ve ever been a disappointed kid, you know how it feels. So I took the little jerks to Six Flags, and it wasn’t as heinous as I thought it was going to be. The lines weren’t that long and the kids were funny enough and the weather was pretty pleasant. Aside from spending a bazillion dollars on hamburgers, it was a fun day.
On Sunday I steam-cleaned my floors to prepare for my upcoming move, and I was able to coax them into a little child labor in exchange for some ice cream and Ariana Grande. This magical combo doesn’t just work on kids, though. I’m also highly likely to do most things if Rocky Road and Ariana Grande are involved. Tomorrow, I promised to take them swimming at Chastain Park, and I just… I don’t remember why I made these promises! Was I drunk?! In a really optimistic mood?! I think because when I made them April seemed so far away that it was almost in the abstract. Well, April’s here and it’s time for me to pay up, I guess. It’s really not that bad except for the initial realization that I have to get out of bed and put on pants on my day off. Everything else after that is a breeze. But public pools? God help me.
Okay, I’ve gotta get back to work. Much to my chagrin, electricity ain’t free.
I completed my bed project. It’s comfortable and plush and lux just like a hotel bed you never want to leave. And in the mornings now, I don’t want to leave it. Seems I didn’t think this all the way through.
The addition that made the most difference to my bed was the mattress topper I bought. It’s three and a half inches of memory foam, and oh man, it’s heavenly. It has made my bed almost as high as the beds that used to be at my grandma’s house and that makes me laugh a little every time I get in. Are high beds a deep south thing? I don’t recall anyone else I know having beds that high.
I didn’t have to work today, and that’s lucky because I was in a blind, homicidal rage also known as PMS and there’s nothing of note to complain about right now but I was still in a funk and holding back tears all morning and then the cramps would spring up periodically that were so painful they would stop me in my tracks and AAAAGGHHHHHH! So after I got all of my necessary errands done, I went back home, climbed into my splendid bed, and watched every single second of the Michael Cohen testimony while scrolling through Twitter to read hilarious (but also informative!) commentary on it in real time. It was just what the doctor ordered. That’s not to say that I’m feeling tons better, but at least the psychotic fury has passed. Also, Twitter is always good for a few good belly laughs when you really need them (it’s also a cesspool that will make you buy extra locks for your doors and windows and make you think that most people are soulless lunatics, so I wouldn’t get addicted, if I were you!).
Tonight is fish taco night in the Toppsy Turvy household. I bought cilantro and cotija cheese so it’s gonna be very authentic. And I’m finally going to have the chance to use my new food processor and make the fish taco sauce! Things are looking up.
Talk later, kids!
Okay, so I failed at making the macarons. Quelle surprise! But my goddaughter and I did make delicious sugar cookies and cupcakes doused in edible glitter, and they were beautiful. I’m not saying that her snacks were better than anyone else’s, but… They were.
It’s obviously not a competition.
But if it were, we won. That’s all I’m saying.
I also volunteered to be one of the class helpers to assist with the Valentine’s Day party. My heart almost burst open because of all the cuteness going on in that classroom as they exchanged little cards and sweets with each other. Then they consumed all that sugar and turned into tiny psychopaths, so I got the hell out of there as quickly as they would let me.
I escaped (mostly) unscathed and went to Macy’s.
I’ve become extremely invested in making my bed feel like a cloud…or a marshmallow. I just want it to be so comfortable that one just relaxes immediately and completely. Saturday mornings buried under thick, soft blankets watching Three’s Company and King of Queens? That’s one of life’s greatest pleasures. So recently I bought a duvet cover that is so soft on the skin and gorgeous to look at. It’s by Calvin Klein and in the same material (modal) that they make their men’s t-shirts. I’m in love with it. I bought it from Macy’s, and since Macy’s was having a Valentine’s Day sale I went to see what else I could find to make my marshmallow bed dream a reality. I fell in love with decorative pillow shams that are the same color as the duvet (I’m going for a monochromatic look), but a different texture. I picked up two of them and continued shopping. When I finally noticed the price of the shams, I was stunned. One hundred and twenty dollars. For ONE PILLOW SHAM.
Now, I hate shopping with my mom because she is truly shocked by the price of everything, so tell me honestly if I’m slowly becoming my mother, but… I don’t think I am! Do pillow shams on average usually cost $120?! Have years of exclusively shopping at IKEA and TJ Maxx skewed my perception of real prices? Jeez. Whatever, I sucked it up and bought them because they were half off, but I still believe sixty bucks for one pillow sham is kinda steep.
Today I steamed the wrinkles out of them and put them on my bed, and, kids… I still feel like I was extorted but they are gorgeous and I’m very happy with them, so… I don’t know–I suppose I got what I paid for. I also bought a mattress pad (for added comfort) and a blanket (for layering). I think I’m almost there. Perhaps some really soft sheet sets are all I need to complete the dream. I just wish I had known ahead of time how much this dream was gonna cost me!
Guys! IKEA has black matte flatware now. Black. Matte. Flatware. All of my aesthetic dreams are coming true. How long have these been a thing and I’ve not known about them? I was watching this YouTube haul and they were one of things that Suzie bought. Love at first sight. So I went on the IKEA website to read the reviews, and they’re pretty good except that a few people say the black finish has started to rub or chip off, and that would really piss me off. So, I’m looking at reviews from other stores trying to find a set that holds up to wear because BLACK MATTE FLATWARE! I guess I should have known that these were a thing because a while back when I went to price refrigerators, black stainless steel fridges were making a splash.
Did I just say “making a splash”?
Anyway, for an hour today I’ve been working on French pronunciation and mouth and tongue placement. You have to really enunciate, practice in a mirror if possible, and do speaking exercises like just saying “oooo” or “eeeee” continuously. I’m home alone right now, and I’m still embarrassed. But what’s a little humiliation when trying to reach an important goal, right? What’s gonna be really embarrassing is if at the end of this year I’m still having to think about and translate everything I want to say in French. So…discomfort now. Happiness later!