The second day of my new job I had to lead a meeting with my team. Let’s slow down.
Lead. A. Meeting.
With. My. Team.
Let’s start with having to say the words “my team” without sounding and feeling like a giant douche. I know it just means that I’m responsible for a group of people, but my god! Those words make me cringe. It’s silly and I’ll get over it. It’s just gonna take some time.
Now let’s talk about something I’ll probably never get used to and that’s talking in front of a bunch of people (my team!) and giving them assignments and deadlines and communicating expectations and
Guys, I’m soooo far out of my comfort zone that it’ll cause me to grow and get better, but man…the journey is going to kick my ass.
Also, I just wrote “journey” and now I’m feeling like a pretentious douche again.
Ok, now let’s talk about an aspect of my job that doesn‘t require steeling myself in the mornings with Jay-Z and Drake to get through.
Next month I’m going to Berlin and France on a work trip! France, kids! FRANCE. Also…Berlin. Let’s set aside the fact that I might have overstated my level of French on my resume. You see–that’s a drama of my own making and I won’t complain to you about that. I will tell you, though, that I’ve been listening and studying my ass off to get ready! French YouTubers, French music, French movies, french fries. You name it!
Ok, I’ve gotta get back to work!
I recently went on a brief tropical getaway, guys. And it’s a good thing that I did because now I won’t be able to travel for at least the next ninety days. I got a new job! Since finding out, I have gone through the gamut of human emotion and I’ve landed again on excitement. I won’t lie, though–there is some wistfulness. “It’s the end of an era!” If you know which television show that quote is from we could probably be good friends.
I’m trying not to dwell too much on leaving my current job, instead choosing to focus on the important aspects of my new job. Mainly–WHAT WILL I WEAR?! I mean, I should probably be reading career books related to my field or something, but if you’ve been reading this blog long enough you already know that my priorities aren’t always exactly where they should be. Let’s just think of it as a fun quirk I possess and move on, okay?!
Yesterday I ordered nine blazers. Yes, you read that correctly. Nine. I’m obviously not going to keep all of them, guys! But I like to try on things at home and check out myself in the mirror with different outfits and angles… All of that takes time! For YEARS I’ve been trying to wear the blazer and graphic tee look and for YEARS it has evaded me. Every time I try on a blazer I look like a little kid dressing up in her mom’s clothes. But I am determined to find the right blazer for me. This is the year. Also–will I wear heels every day?! Dresses?! Do I want to give Boss Bitch vibes like Robin Wright in House of Cards? Laid-back sexy but professional vibes like Rachel (during her Ralph Lauren days) in Friends? Elegant and minimalist like Meghan Markle? Who do I wanna be? What do I wanna give?
Lots of serious decisions to make, kids. But right now I have to go and unpack my suitcase, which has sat, untouched, for the two days I’ve been back. I’ve never claimed to be a pro at this adulting thing, but I think with this new job I could be getting closer!
À la prochaîne !
Isn’t it crazy just how many things can change in five years? Like somewhere in the course of just living, we form long term bonds that weren’t there before, we say goodbyes that were never anticipated, relationships change and strengthen or they change and fall apart, we have big career failures and overwhelming career triumphs. There are personal coups and collapses. We learn wonderful and scary things about ourselves and about our friends and about the world. We have little moments of humanity, of meanness, of pettiness, of valor. We fall in love. We learn what love is and what it isn’t. We become better friends. Better citizens. How can one predict all of that?
I did all of the above in the last five years. I lost my grandma, which was crushing. But what a wonderful stroke of luck to have been her granddaughter and to have had her as long as I did. I lost a friend to cancer and was racked with grief. But how lucky I am to have memories of her that make me swell with laughter.
I’ve had new successes and made lovely new friends in the last five years, but I’m very thankful for the things that have stayed the same, too. My best friends. My family. My ride or dies. They helped me rip out my first gray hair and then helped me laugh about it when it grew back. They talked me through grief and heartache and wanted the best for me. They’ve celebrated my accomplishments. They’ve been reliable, they’ve been truthful, they’ve been loyal.
I am very lucky.
I’ve got a birthday coming up, kids. I have a markedly different life than I did five birthdays ago; some of it sad but the overwhelming majority of it so good that I couldn’t have dreamed it up five years ago had you asked me to.
Cheers to another five.