Let’s Do Breakfast

I have mastered cooking breakfast. This is according to my friends–all of whom have no qualms telling me when my cooking sucks–and the Bae, who is a little nicer about it but will essentially tell me this ain’t it, chief. So because they are all such jerks, I feel comfortable believing them when they say my cooking is excellent! Let me tell you what I’ve mastered: scrambled eggs (both regular and truffled!), omelets, frittatas, poached eggs (I mastered this for those times I need to fool a person into thinking I’m elegant and sophisticated), fried eggs, waffles, french toast, and oatmeal (with nuts and spices and raisins–not just plain oatmeal!).

I have not mastered grits, because…why? I was once in line at a buffet type situation and the guy in front of me was spooning grits onto his plate (very slowly!) and I moved around him to the next thing in line, and he was like, “You’re not southern are you? No southern person would ever pass up the grits.” And no–I’m not southern. My grandma used to make them when we went to visit her in Mississippi, but we ate them with butter and sugar. And I’m told that that’s the wrong way to eat them. People are weird about grits, yo.

I also haven’t mastered pancakes but that’s only because I much prefer french toast and waffles. I really want to be good at hash browns but I still haven’t created the perfect onion and spice balance. I will, though!

Next, I am moving on to lunch. Salads and crepes and sandwiches and…stuff. I already make bomb egg salad because my mom used to make it all the time and it’s quick and easy and CHEAP, so I picked it up. I think next I’m going to master the savory crepe. Can you imagine if I’m able to accomplish that?! I would probably make crepe tutorials on Youtube because I wouldn’t be able to shut up about it.

Okay, I’ve gotta go. I’m on my way to Home Depot because I’m on a never-ending quest for the perfect shade of navy to go on my walls.

G’bye!

“I Just Took a DNA Test…”

I went to Music Midtown yesterday and saw Lizzo. LIZZO! I live and breathe for Lizzo. You guys know how I feel about Tracee Ellis Ross and Joanne the Scammer? That’s how I feel about Lizzo. I admit, it’s not the most cohesive group of favorites but what can I say–the heart wants what it wants.

Anyway, I saw Lizzo and I danced and sang the whole time and it was everything. Then Cardi B came out, and I did the same thing. I knew the words to every song and so did every single person around me. That’s a good time, kids. My body is sore and my voice is hoarse today, but it was worth it!

I received my order from Pattern, Tracee Ellis Ross’s hair care line! I just got it yesterday, so I haven’t had a chance to try it, but I think I will tonight. The only thing that can stop me is me falling asleep early and that’s a real possibility.

I bought two big mirrors for my place, guys! I’m really growing up and conquering my (completely rational) fears, right?! I bought one from Home Goods and the other from a thrift store. Might have to give the thrifted one a little love before I put it up, but that’s okay. I’ll be able to say “I’m restoring a vintage mirror” in conversation! That may sound extremely pompous and pretentious, guys, but I’m saying it anyway. In every conversation. Gonna find a way to sneak it in.

Okay, I’ve gotta go catch up on my beauty Youtuber videos for the week. I looovveee watching people apply makeup. I think it reminds me of watching my mom do it when I was younger. Speaking of my mom, I told her I was going to come over tomorrow and she told me to make sure that I’m not dressed like a pimp when I do. That’s what she calls it when I wear snakeskin boots or anything with fur or leather pants. I keep a straight face when she says ridiculous things like that, but I really do find it hilarious.

À bientot !

Home Again

However one manages to catch a cold during the summer, I did it. Your girl is always out here achieving things she never dreamed possible.

Aside from the leaky nose, I enjoyed my time in Elba. We went with six of our friends and it was really nice to hang out and catch up and partake in some well-deserved foolishness. That just means staying up ’til four in the morning laughing at each other’s dumb jokes. But I’m weirdly into my friends’ dumb jokes. We don’t get to hang out as a group as often as we’d like, so I really appreciate it when it happens!

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My infatuation with cooking has been renewed because of some mind-blowing meals I had. I bought a cookbook in Elba with Mediterranean recipes and it’s my mission to become really good at a couple of them.

I came home to Belvedere (that’s what I named my Roomba) getting the floors all nice and clean for me. He works so hard. Same with his coworker, the robot mop who(m?) I have yet to name. She takes a long time to mop the floors, but she does a good job! Makes my weekly clean much easier and quicker!

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The robot mop turned out to be just as easy to set up as the Roomba, so if you’re in the market for one, I say do it!

My dad is back home and doing much better and agreeing to take his blood pressure medication. Don’t even get me started on why he wasn’t in the first place. I don’t know why, and I didn’t even hound him about it. Having a stroke kinda makes the point on its own, no? But he’d better take them now, for heaven’s sake!

Guys, I’ve gotta go now. I have a week’s worth of laundry to do and right now it’s all stuffed in suitcases. You wouldn’t happen to know of a laundry robot I could buy, would you? Let your girl know!

Bisous!

Back in the Trenches

Another day, another dollar, kids. My life as a barefoot, carefree, wind in my hair Malibu-an was not to be. Georgia Power called and said, “Bitch, don’t try us.”

Also, in a moment of profound insanity, I promised my friend’s kids (ten and eleven) that I would take them to Six Flags (among other idiotic promises I can’t believe I made) on their spring break, which started on Saturday. Although I am the queen of canceling plans, there’s no way I could or would do that to children. If you’ve ever been a disappointed kid, you know how it feels. So I took the little jerks to Six Flags, and it wasn’t as heinous as I thought it was going to be. The lines weren’t that long and the kids were funny enough and the weather was pretty pleasant. Aside from spending a bazillion dollars on hamburgers, it was a fun day.

On Sunday I steam-cleaned my floors to prepare for my upcoming move, and I was able to coax them into a little child labor in exchange for some ice cream and Ariana Grande. This magical combo doesn’t just work on kids, though. I’m also highly likely to do most things if Rocky Road and Ariana Grande are involved. Tomorrow, I promised to take them swimming at Chastain Park, and I just… I don’t remember why I made these promises! Was I drunk?! In a really optimistic mood?! I think because when I made them April seemed so far away that it was almost in the abstract. Well, April’s here and it’s time for me to pay up, I guess. It’s really not that bad except for the initial realization that I have to get out of bed and put on pants on my day off. Everything else after that is a breeze. But public pools? God help me.

Okay, I’ve gotta get back to work. Much to my chagrin, electricity ain’t free.

Bisous !